maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
