I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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