So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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