Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
