community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
