Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
