he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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