i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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