I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
