So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
