how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
