from now on my penis is your penis
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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