I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
