hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
