he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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