hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
