also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
