uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
