Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
