take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There's even glitter on my cock...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
