I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wish there were birth control emojis
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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