he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
