I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
