I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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