just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
