meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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