Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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