when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
