a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
