no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
