I wish I only lived at night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
