i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
