I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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