I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
