I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think my vagina is haunted
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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