is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
