had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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