Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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