May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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