i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
