I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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