How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
