She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
