I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm too high and old for this...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
