I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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