i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
