she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
