he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
