So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
