so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
even my farts smell like vagina
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
